Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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