im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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