Betty ford says i'm here all night
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
