Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
