hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
