Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
