Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
