I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
