i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize