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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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