Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
