Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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