Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
