im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
