another moral hangover. fuck.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
