I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
