why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
