there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
