you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
