your thong is hanging out like whoa
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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