i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
