i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
