They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
