I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
