Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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