i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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