everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
