So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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