Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
