So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
