She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wear drunk well.
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