these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
