I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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