Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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