Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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