I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
