is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize