Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize