It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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