I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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