I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
