Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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