Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
