I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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