Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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