Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
