butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
NoShamevember. You game?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
