I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
