I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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