I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
