Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
