Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
