sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
