is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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