Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She bit a glass in half.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
