you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
