My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
