She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
