Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize