tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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