How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
