I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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