God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
