I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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