Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a hot homeless man
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
