I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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