You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
