my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize