so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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